(¬_¬)ﾉ Happy Christmas

*sighs* Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all my Beaus out there.

I'm sorry to say, but this post will probably dampen your holiday spirit. I would appreciate it if you would read and comment.  But its not going to be a merry one.

Why don't we start from last Monday shall we?

My mother had come by to work on her online shop "My Big Sexy Life." I've been fussed at so much over the whole thing, and then nothing, she hasn't mentioned anything. I know she's probably waiting for me to attach the domain name to the blogspot blog. But her not checking in with my often doesn't make me want to move faster.

She gets all movtivated and gunho about shit and then after a few days its like it never happened. This has ghappened twice before. I think, since her long time girlfriend keeps saying that she's not smart enough to run a business like this, her interest keeps running out. I personally don't care. But I do want my mom to succedd. Maybe I'll work on it tonight. Mind you I'm working for FREE, during this whole thing.

Also, during one of the times that she was over, my mother confided in my husband that xmas is going to be on wednesday because my mima hadn't been paid yet ( she gets her retirement benefits at the end of the month). I wasn't told this nor invited over. they like to have me think the invite is always there, but i know that isn't true.

Now it's about Friday. Taryn and I go out on our almost weekly outing that included trying to order a McGangBang from the McDonald's secret menu (which failed), and a cap'n crunch from the Starbucks secret menu (that was fun).  I'll get the video ready so that you will be able to see what happens. But that's another post.

Also on that friday, nothing happened. Christmas wise.

So around 2am Christmas day, while playing castleville on facebook I get a message from my mom to text her.

Mom: Mmmmm... Pray for your gram. Today she was exhibiting real forgetfulness and confusion. A couple of incidents  but they were authentic.. if u play sick it happens.

(in the last sentence: my mother is referring to my grandmother acting as if her blood pressure is out of ocntrol and takes trips to the ER eventhough nothing's wrong with her. These 'attacks' are triggered whenever I and my children are involved. So usually I just stay away and mind my own business for the sake of their household being peaceful.)

Me: What happens now? Retrograde is over.

(from thanksgiving day to Christmas eve the planet mercury was in a state called retrograde. Meaning, that anything to do with health/communications/electronics/money/automobiles that can fuck up will fuck up. This is how my car got towed.)

Mom: (i'm not going to include this reply because it had nothing to do with my question)

{please ignore the weird font formation up there.}

My point is that if something happens to my grandmother (the only person that pays the bills there) what's going to happen to the house, the estate, etc. I try to call my mom that night. She stays aloof about it and says that uncle has a plan. I get off the phone with her. I'm irritated and pacing through the house and talking to my hubby about the situation.

My siblings are 20, 19, and 17. However, they aren't able to take care of themselves because the way the house hold is ran you can't do anything without depending on mima.  So you see why I'm worried.

So next I call my uncle. I was fortunate to catch him at the time he woke up @3am. After saying merry Christmas and apologizing for calling late, I explain what happens and express my concern. After talking with my uncle for about 10 minutes and getting off the phone. I realize something...

There's no plan.

How the fuck can't there be a plan when it comes to grandma. I thought up about 5 different plans within the hour I was worried about this last night.

Soon my mother will be out of town, and then she will move on with her life. Most likely she will leave her children here to fend for themselves. I'm already thinking about how I can get them jobs and get the house ready for us to move in. But I don't want to think that far ahead.

Oh whatever am I to do with this family of mine?

And I will talk about today. Christmas itslef.

As you all know, I have strange sleeping patterns. So when my son opened his gifts at 8am, I hadn't gone to sleep yet.

When I finally went to sleep things just seem to go worse.

I was supposed to watch 'A Christmas Story' with my hubby. I forced myself awake around noon to 2pm to watch it. I will admit I was a zombie, but I wanted to watch it with him because he was looking forward to it all year. It was painful to stay awake so he said I could go back to sleep.

A little bit after two my family came to pick up mu so he could open the non existent gifts there. he returned shortly after sunset. My mother was the one to bring him home. She promised to get me the passport harddrive I needed. But when I finally woke up at 7:30pm, there was no gift waiting for me.

Coming to that realization does bring me to tears. I wasn't expecting anything for christmas but that harddrive. The husband and I were going to use the tax money for our personal christmas, and I have no clue if my uncle had figured out what to get me. My father never called me today. My sister did though, to tell me she was at dad's house. I think I understood the point of the phone call. But I was too tired to care at the moment. If you haven't figured it out what she was trying to say was :  "I forgot about you when I came here to dad's. He picked me up but didn't think of you either."

So now its almost 9:30 pm and here i am speaking to all of you. I hope you're having a festive holiday season. But for me, it feels like a normal everyday.

Gyaru Blue print: the basics

My Inspirational Photo. 

For the New Year, I'm going to work with my God Given features to personalize my Gal look. So instead of pouring through countless photos on my hard drive, blogs, and tumblr (that's for later), I am going to start off  the basics, starting with my face:

History of Chaudie: never cross a Taurus

Photo From Tumblr

Never try to take anything away from a Taurus, unless you want to live with the consequences.

I once knew a taurus. Instead of her name we called her Raven. Very quiet she was. Naturally masculine although trying to be feminine. She always hated going out with me (a scorpio), guys would be more drawn to me even when I had my son. She never tried to keep up her appearance. Even when she tried, the men that knew of me, even if they captured only a glimspe of me or her my voice over the phone, would ask her if i was seeing anyone. It was always right before she would confess her feelings.  didn't really go out much with her after that. We would often grow apart and reunite after 6 months or so...

And then came "Bobby"

2011 12 19~ Of Plush, fuss, and no paper

Hello my oh so precious Beaus ,

 

I’m working on my eyelashes right now. I’m really satisfied with them. 

Today was an eventful, yet uneventful day.

2011 12 17 ~ Gyaru newspaper

Today I'm just lazing around and playing castle ville. I decided to create a Paper.li newspaper that would let me know the ins and outs of all the Gyaru that are publishing publicy. I think it's going to work out great. If you'd like to see it, you can check it out here. If you want your posts on it just let me know. My plan is to connect it to the agehoes show blog. For now, I think it's doing very well. 

Tag Game from Lolo

http://lologyaru.blogspot.com/

I was tagged by the lovely Lolo, to share a little bit of information with you. I hope you'll enjoy!

So here we go!

Xmas: Why I'm not so merry

This is just another reason I don't really feel this is a good holiday for me anymore. Why do we have to wait until Christmas to give gifts. My husband and I buy all the toys we want to get our son in two groups (my son's birthday and Xmas). I believe holidays should be used to relax and enjoy your time with family. Not having to stress about impressing in-laws or women in your family that you will probably never see again. Maybe its an adult thing, maybe its me? I just feel like my favorite holiday is tax season because that's when I'm able to get all the stuff I want.

Do you ever feel that way? What are the holidays like for you? I need some inspiration.

12 Goals Before 2012

Photo Credit goes to Laurita

I was downloading Magazines from Laurita's blog when I came cross this interesting post. I never thought to have a pre-new year's resolution, so I decided to list what I'm working on right now.

BOLD = Finished

BOLD & Green = Postponed until new year

Regular = Works in Progress

Sanity Y U No Stay?

lol…

Let’s call this an update post shall we? It’s pretty simple.

First, and most importantly, I’ve decided to stop taking my medication. I know that the Lexapro isn’t effective. I’m either a stressed out zombie that will eventually cope within an hour or so. OR, I’m a stressed out and sleeping all day zombie that pigs out.  I’m having too many issues going on right now to deal with paying $100usd a month on meds that doesn’t even work for me. I know I could try something different, but what’s the point? I need to do more, no medicate.

Second, the AgeHOES show is a big hit! How big is it? Well I’m assuming you came here to view the videos of that last show. Unfortunately, I used up all the free space of the previous week’s show. So I have to figure out how to save all the videos. If not, then you will be losing a lot of showtime each month so I can have enough space with a free account.

Another way you can tell the success of it is through Gal secrets. Quite a few are up because of myself and the show and I’m really surprised at it. The Secrets are slowly shifting from Ashley & Shiena to myself. I think it’s mainly because I became an alt mod so I could help Lyn out. She’s always having issues with getting the secrets posted on time, I only wanted to help. I don’t even view the secrets now unless I have to post them. And Of course it’s distrubing to post secrets about yourself and your friends. But then again, what’s more disturbing is that I can stop having all secrets posted about myself up there.  Did you know you could ask that G_S doesn’t post another secret about you? I’ve seen it already with a couple of people. It’s even like that in the comments. I often wonder if I should stop the secret postings of myself and AgeHOES. But then again, all news is good news. I’m not sure…

With the cold and flu season here, my weeks consist of trying to figure out if I’m pregnant or just have the stomach flu. The symptoms are the same. No positive at home tests yet, but I’ll probably go to the doctor soon to confirm it. And if it’s still negative, I’m going to shout to the rooftops and them are taking diet pills.

let’s see… what else?

Oh! And I’m probably not going to blog as much as I used to in my heyday. This means no daily posts unless its time sensitive. I want to do weekly updates.  Plus, I think it gives you the reader plenty of time to digest what I’ve said and plenty of time to post to Gal secrets or valentines.

Speaking of which, I finally probed the G_V site and I do like it. I’ll start posting valentines up there soon.

Also, I applied to the Bulaklak galsa. It’s the international event circle that Burt, Ashley, Shiena, Monica Tang, and Robin are apart of. I’ve talked to robin before about it and now I had the guts to send the application email in today. So please wish me luck. I’m just worried that my lack of a public wardrobe will count against me.

Now, to close this post I will explain the title. I was rewriting my twitter bio to show my current situation in life. And honestly I feel like I’m in the epic battle of balance to keep my sanity. If I lose it, i’ll become this horrific villain that will try to destroy the world (or the Gyaru community) just for kicks. And if you think I’m blowing smoke out of my ass, think of the three types of the Scorpio and you’ll understand where I’m coming from.

Please do not be dismayed at the lack of information on the three type of Scorpio.. The reason for this is simple. Originally Scorpio was a combination of 3 existing signs… Virgo, Libra and Scorpio.. So the corresponding types of Scorpios have remnants of these signs. The first and lowest is the scorpion. It is deadly, power-hungry, disdainful, vengeful and spiteful. These are the showy ones who give Scorpios a bad name. This type of Scorpion has a true difficulty dealing with their feminine nature and so truly despises all things feminine including but not limited to women. They see women as weak because they have not embraced the inner strength of the feminine within — the creative, soft, nurturing and feeling of depth. These foul beings use sex as a weapon to control, manipulate and victimize their partners by teasing, taunting and denying until their prey surrenders completely. The Scorpions often embrace violence and can be see in the obituary pages as murdered and cruel people .. see the book Helter Skelter as he is the poster child for evil scorpions. 
The second type … of which most Scorpio fall… is the grey lizard. They do not lower themselves to violence, but are often victimized. They go to the opposite extreme and trampled upon. They have depth but do not have the courage to develop their depth for fear of someone taking advantage of it. Like the scorpions, they do not see the positive strength in their own feminine within. They still think it is weak. They have a faint understanding of it but see themselves as weak and therefore neuter themselves. They like power as well but are afraid it will come back to haunt them so they don’t do anything at all. 
The third type is the High Flying Eagle or the Dove.– the true servant to the betterment of Mankind for they know the depth of the sea and the heights of the mountains. These extremely rare and beautiful beings have fully embraced their feminine nature, tempered their desire for power for the betterment of all, do not judge (unlike grey lizards and scorpions) and are wise. They KNOW that what they put out will come back to them. They have developed their intuition to such a high degree that they cannot be moved… Can you move the Gulf Stream in the Atlantic.. it is fluid, moves, carries necessary warmth but is fixed in its path? They will sacrifice what is necessary for only those are worthy of them. They know limits and boundaries and are truly validated and have reached the actuality of their potential. Do you see why they are rare? 

So here’s the end. I hope you enjoyed this post.