After joining Black Diamond. I feel like I'm starting over again.
I feel stupid like I haven't heard of what Gyaru is, and I have to be on Charisma level instantly. I hate seeing gals I don't like, look ten times better on a whim, when I'm struggling to get that "right" look for me. I'm only trying to look like the best Gal Version of myself. I'm proud of my progress, but I've got a long way to go.
I've been under a lot of stress in the past couple of weeks. I've had to end friendships, fire people, and ban & block others. Not to mention confronting someone on a personal level, and then stating that trust must be rebuilt.
And then there's my son being an asshole and stealing shit from another kid. I'm going to have to home school him because obviously the school can't seem to watch my son properly. It will be interesting for sure. But I do have a lot of encouragement and support of my friends since quite a few of them were home-schooled themselves.
Note: one of my biggest pet peeves is when someone questions my decisions on anything. Especially if I'm the boss of something. Especially when my choices are negated under my nose and then someone tries to reason why I'm wrong. I don't know about you all, but I feel like ripping off heads and spitting down necks at that point. I will admit I've been holding back my Scorpio tendencies, but its hard when someone keeps pissing me off.
But talking to Danyy more often on the phone has really helped.
I was doing a weight loss contest with Rina and Lola, but I think I'm going to drop out. I'm just not motivated like I was before. The hubs raises an eyebrow when I start to pull on clothing (I lounge around my home semi naked, but I exercise fully clothed), and sometimes I don't want to see that look on his face. Also, I firmly believe I will do better going to a gym (for my mood and better focus), but the Hubs thinks it a waste of money. And that I will give up half way and...*sighs* he doesn't want other men to look at me.
Things have really brought my mood down. Not to suicidal of course, but I've been entertaining the idea of just throwing shit around and screaming at the top of my lungs. I feel like I'm not allowed to get angry, to be hurt, to grieve over a situation. Because my plans, projects, and friends are like a house of cards to me. One little *huff* and down they go.
But I will conquer this. I have to. I have plans.